Potty Insinct

I frequently take our 2 month old son 'potty'.  This means that first thing in the morning (and sometimes during the day), I pull his legs up to his tummy and let him poop.  The picture below demonstrates the correct position, although a toilet would be preferable to a garden in the middle of the city.  (Picture courtesy of Yaya).

This is very useful and beneficial for many reasons.  First, one less poopy diaper to deal with.  Second, he feels more comfortable.  Third, he is maintaining an innate knowledge of his bodily functions.

When I put my breast in his mouth, he know it's time to eat and immediately starts sucking.  How does he know how to eat?  He just does.

Likewise, when I put him in this position, he knows it's time to poop.  It's instinctive.  Also, there is not much room in there, so the pressure from his legs will push out whatever is in.

At this early stage I do not take him potty for every single poop.  However, the morning one is easy and as he goes less frequently, it will be easier to make sure that he goes in the potty, not in his diaper.

How come this is not practiced in the West?  It is a valuable tradition that has been lost.  Perhaps due to a lack of knowledge of child-rearing in other cultures, perhaps due to most parents being overwhelmed, or perhaps due to the influence of disposable diapers, a very profitable industry.

Mamma Tip: How to have enough milk

I am very fortunate to have a steady supply of milk.  Here are some tips that have helped me:

1) Feed your baby immediately after birth (or within the first hour at most).

Your body produces colostrum, a watery yellowish fluid. during the first few days.  This is all your baby needs, so don't expect to see the white stuff until the 4th day or so.

2) Seek help if your baby is not latching on.

Hospitals should provide breastfeeding support.  Some babies latch on right away, others do not.  It takes practice, so don't get discouraged!  Here is more information about trouble latching.  According to this article, many problems with latching are associated with the drugs in epidurals, so if possible, opt for natural birth.

3) Refuse formula and bottle feeding in the hospital.

These interfere with baby's ability to latch and Mamma's milk supply.  Make sure that the hospital staff know that you are breastfeeding exclusively, i.e. no formula or bottles.

4) Do not go by the clock.

Your baby knows when it is time to eat.  This may be several times an hour at first or once every several hours.  The more often your baby eats, the more milk you will produce.  Going by your baby, not the clock, will optimize your supply.

5) Introduce pumped milk in a bottle later.

Unless if you can be with your baby every second of every day, it is probably good to introduce a bottle.  With our kids, I waited until late in the 2nd/3rd week after breastfeeding was established and they were good at it.  This way, if I needed to run out, someone else could feed them.  However, introducing a bottle any sooner will probably result in baby wanting bottle, not Mamma.

Mamma tip: Choices

For discipline, three things that have worked for us are:

1) choices
2) consequences
3) focusing on what they CAN do

This post is about choices.

I have found that giving my 2 1/2 year-old daughter choices is extremely empowering for both parties.  It puts her in control while still coercing her to comply with certain rules.

My recommendation: Choices, not Commands.

For instance:

Don't say: Put your toys away!

Say: Do you want to put your toys away or do you want mamma to put them away?

Ironically, the idea of me putting her toys away is unappealing because it takes away her independence.  The question empowers her to decide to put them away rather than just listening to whatever I say.  Of course you can manipulate the choices based on what you think your child will decide.  Some other examples:

"Do you want to finish your salad or do you want to go straight to bed?"

"Do you want to get in your car seat by yourself or do you want mamma to force you in?"

"Do you want to wear this pair of pants or that pair?"

"Do you want to go the park and play or do you want to read some books?"

"Do you want me to turn off the lights and close the door right now or do you want ONE story before bedtime?"

"Do you want to take a shower with mamma or do you want to stay alone in your room while I take a shower?"


If your child is strong-headed, giving two options may be your best bet for managing behavior.

6 ways to bond with your newborn

Taking care of a newborn is a lot of work.  It's important to take time between diaper changes and feedings to spend some quality time together.  After all, they won't be small for long!

1.  Herbal Bath- Boil some herbs (i.e. lavender, calendula and comfry) and add the strained water to your bath water.  Turn on your favorite music (I like opera, Bach or Juanes) and soak with baby.  Gaze into each others eyes.  This is great skin-to-skin time.

2. Nature Walk- Bundle up baby and put baby in sling.  Take a long leisurely walk.  Explore new places.  Talk to your baby.

3. Dance- Turn on your favorite music and hold your new dance partner close.

4. Read- Get on comfy clothes and cuddle with baby in bed.  Devour a novel or read baby a story,

5. Massage- Get out some olive oil and make your baby smell like a salad.

6. Sunbathe- Lay with baby (preferably mostly nude) on a sun-filled patch of your floor.  Again, music can enhance the experience.

What to eat?

When I was in school, the health teachers 'taught' us how to eat.  They taught us how to calculate how many calories we need, how to reduce fat intake, how to count nutrients.  Unfortunately, following their guidelines made me obsessed with calculating, which made me disconnected with food, which turned into what some may consider an eating disorder-- first too skinny, then a long-time compulsive eater, compensating for intermittent starving.  An alarming number of women in the United States has struggled with some sort of disordered eating.  Is this what I want for my daughter?

There is a better way.

My great-grandmothers lived into their 90's with minimal medications and minimal medical interventions.  And I doubt that they ever counted so much as a single calorie.

So with all of the experts telling us conflicting advice about what to eat, what should we actually eat?  I like Michael Pollan's advice:

Eat food.  Mostly plants.  Not too much.

I think that 'Eat food' is key.  Food is something found in the fresh produce or fresh meat section.  It is not frozen, it is not in a box, it probably doesn't have a label or fun pictures (those are called 'edible food-like substances').  It is something that you probably have to prepare by chopping or cooking (not just heating in a microwave).  It will spoil if you don't prepare it imminently.

Make food that comes from a traditional culture.  Hot dogs are probably off the list.  We like stir-fried vegetables and meat with whole grain rice, or fresh pasta with olive oil and vegetables from our garden.  I have more information about my personal food preferences here.  Limit meat to a side dish.  Add whole grains when possible.  Rather than pure white rice, mix in brown rice and wild rice.  Add barley to your vegetable soup.  If you make pasta or bread, try adding in different flours.

Limit eating out/ordering carry-out to once per week or less.  Most food that is not homemade is highly processed and filled with artificial flavors and all kinds of weird chemicals.  Or else dine out where you know you are eating pure food.

Another guideline that I like is that sweets should be treats.  Avoid coffees that taste like a dessert, yogurts with added sugar, oatmeal that already has been sweetened.  Anyway, those probably are packaged with fun pictures which automatically makes them a less desirable item.  But at the same time, have a piece of cake at a birthday party.  Enjoy pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving.  Have a treat when the occasion calls for it.  If it is more than once every two weeks or so, it's not really a treat.

Lastly, food consumption should be a ritual.  Whether alone or with many, it's important to breathe.  If it's a meal or a treat, enjoy it thoroughly.

I think that if I had paid more attention to the general quality of food rather than the calories, fat, protein etc. in the food, I would have avoided a big crisis with food in my life.  I sincerely hope that the education system will start teaching kids more about traditional food wisdom and less about calories and nutrients.

The beauty of birth

This past Monday was my second time giving birth.  Most of the time birth is publicized by the media as some terrorizing, traumatizing, horrible event that women are forced to put up with.  Giving birth is hard, but I would like to offer another side of the story.  The beautiful side of birth.

The power

Most people who fear birth are afraid of what is referred to as 'pain'.  I prefer the word 'power', since pain to me is a result of something going wrong, not right.  The intensity of labor is extremely powerful and overwhelming.  But it is also magical.  It is a power that will take over your body and mind if you let it.  It is a force that connects us with the rest of the universe, that reminds us that we are part of something that extends beyond human intelligence.  It is a force that reminds of us of our connection to other humans, animals and to nature.  An intelligence that is not intellectual.  In sum, it is the force of God, if you will.

My advice: Give up control.  Let your body do its work.  Feel no shame.  Feel no fear.  Trust that the force of labor is a miracle.

The pushing

There is no other feeling in the world like the end of such intense contractions and your body pushing a baby out.  Never in my life have I ever felt so strong, so empowered, so free.  You are mightier than an Olympic champion.  A muscle deep within you, which you never really felt before, does its work without your initiative.  Imagine your legs running a marathon on their own... on autopilot, without any conscious decision on your part.  Amazing!  After working so hard, you finally feel minutes away from meeting your baby. 

The first encounter

All of a sudden, this little person with little bones and limbs and a face is on you.  What looked like a watermelon in your belly was actually your baby!  Need I say more?

The recovery

This is where I am now.  Yes, there is discomfort.  Yes it is long.  But it is also a chance to be meditative.  To stay still.  To enjoy time in slow motion.  To enjoy the smell of an orange peel.  To soak in the sunlight.  To look at the world from a horizontal position.  To write in your journal.  To listen to classical music.   To be thankful and heal.  And above all, to cuddle with your baby.

Thanks to my husband, midwives, parents, sister, daughter, family and friends for supporting me through this amazing process!  Birth is beautiful.

Where do the children play? Part II

In my last post, I mentioned some of the difficulties of living in Michigan suburbia.  People don't walk around outside, and it's not easy to come across other children.  Especially in the winter.

As a temporary stay-at-home mom, here are some activities that I have used to keep our 2 year-old entertained while limiting screen time:

1) Library- Our local libraries have weekly story time.  Sometimes there is music, other times there are puppets.  Story time teaches group participation (dancing, gestures, songs), coupled with quiet sit-and-listen time.  Check out what activities your library has.  It may just be a great toddler hangout.

2) Grocery shopping- This has been a great way for our daughter to get exercise in the winter.  Kids can also have fun learning about healthy foods.  At certain grocery stores (Trader Joe's for instance), they have mini shopping carts that little kids can push around.  I have spent up to an hour with my daughter lapping the store, examining each of the items and letting her pick a few things to purchase.

If you go somewhere where there are no little shopping carts, you can teach your child to hold your hand while walking around.  In the beginning, I told my daughter that if she held my hand, I would buy her a special treat from the grocery store (marinated olives).  That did the trick and ever since, she has been in the habit of holding my hand.

3) Snow- It's fun to get all bundled up and play in the snow.  Try sledding at a local golf course or building a snowman in a local park.

4) Be bold and entertain- If you know your neighbors have little kids, seek them out and invite them over.  If you start chatting with other parents at the library, exchange e-mails and follow up.  Set up a play date at your house.  Find parent groups in your local area online and attend meetings (e.g. Meetup.com has many options).

5) Crafts- Get creative with crafts.  Crafts improve fine motor and spark the imagination.  A simple Google search will come up with lists of inexpensive crafts.  A necklace from pasta, construction paper puppets, play-doh and watercolors are all loads of fun.

6) No-car outings- This may be difficult depending on where you live, but try taking your child on the local bus, or even walking to the nearest store.  Sometimes we walk up to one hour to get somewhere (A stroller and snacks are necessary!).  It's great to get some fresh air and to not be dependent on a car all of the time.

7) Museums- See if there are museums in your area.  We are lucky to have an art museum, archeological museum, zoological society, hands-on museum and others.  Don't assume that your child is too young to enjoy these places.  Sometimes just walking around somewhere new is an adventure.

8) Kitchen fun- I love bringing my daughter in the kitchen and teaching her about food.  Find little tasks that your child can do (e.g. ripping lettuce for a salad).  It's fun to get kids involved in food preparation.  This is not a good thing to do if you are hungry or pressed for time!  Think of it more as an activity than actual cooking time.

9) Just dance- On a sunny winter's day, it's fun to turn up the music and dance around the living room.  Enjoy those toddler moves!

10) Classes- Check out your local Parks and Recreation booklet for toddler activities.  Swim classes, music groups and dance classes are all great ways for your child to get involved and play with other kids.